Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
