If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
