I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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