Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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