a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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