I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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