is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
