She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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