i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
