at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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