Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
