but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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