Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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