I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Someone shit on the floor
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
