8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
