I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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