I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
