a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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