drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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