I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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