It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
