Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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