new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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