Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
