You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
