i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
