the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
