I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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