Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
