you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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