I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
