So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
