Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
