Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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