i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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