Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
