at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
