thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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