When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
