My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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