Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
