I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
