You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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