Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
