I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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