So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
