I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
