I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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