I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
