Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
