a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
