shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
