and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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