okay pat passed out under dana's car
Fuck appropriateness.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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