dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
