Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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