He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
