Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
