She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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