Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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