saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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