And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
