Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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