Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
