It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
