just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
