i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
