Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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