Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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