I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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