last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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