Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
