We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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