so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
