Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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