she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can I color on your dick again?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
