"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
