Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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