If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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