I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
