I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
