If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
