so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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