You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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